Recent fundraising activities for the first of a plethora of shrines to Miguelito, the self proclaimed prophet of PEE WEE, expected to pop up wherever an interstate exit site can support one, have run into a series of mysterious setbacks. Speculation grows that there is an organized attempt to thwart this well-deserved elevation to martyrdom and  that PEE WEE, who has remained imprisoned within Miguelito’s vast complex of interconnected temples, parks, retail outlets, and state of the art multimedia broadcasting facilities, is still smarting from alleged abuse received in Miguelito’s new impulse control program instituted in reaction to the growing scandal that has swept the church of PEE WEE, and is behind this campaign to prevent Miguelito’s martyrdomization.  . Experts seem to agree that the church of PEEWEE is run if not directly then indirectly by MIGUELITO who has consolidated his power in recent weeks, partially by the controversial use of doppelgangers.  

At a hastily set up news conference Kardinal Keislar, accompanied by his long time companion LEEANN, read a prepared statement saying, in part, that these growing hardships that Miguelito faces only confirm how deserving Miguelito is of  PEEWEE sanctified martyr status. “None of the rest of us in the R/TC have ever been misunderstood and we should all recognize the obstacles created by individual interpretation of words”. This last statement  or words similar  have found their way into most  organization’s official positions in reaction to the implementation of the recently passed, so-called “lip-service/doublespeak” bill requiring acknowledgement of the inherent irrelevancy or even deceptiveness of statements made by anyone calling himself a scientist or associating himself with the truth.  When asked whether he had any comments regarding ZIPHLER’s recent interview with a rival news organization in which Ziphler appeared naked as part of his “emperor’s new clothes protest” over changes in organization and even the name of the R/TC, the Kardinal seemed to misinterpret the question saying with dismissal  “AH! Too old for my tastes”

LEEANN has become a story in her own right.  Rising out of obscurity  to become the most prominent of the one-name celebrities through her association with the Kardinal, recently she has become the focus of increasingly bitter attacks by the Keislar FAITHFUL WHO FEEL THAT she has deprived them of their source of spiritual and entertainment nourishment. Anonymous sources at the official KARDKEIS fan club have told this reporter that there have been calls for investigation after recent remarks from streetdogs guitarist Sean Kennedy led to riots in Isla Vista by fueling the suspicion that LEEANN was the catalyst for the breakup of the STREETDOGS.

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